What are some of the most effective ways to fight depression?

Fair warning- I’m a therapist and this answer is super nontraditional. But it’s what I’ve seen and what I know up close and personal…

Here’s my story-

After sending out a blog post, I opened my email to find a note that bruised my heart- like a UFC champion fighter kicking me hard in my chest.

I am so proud of your success and your embracing life as it is given to you. But I have to be honest when I say that I can't even relate to the places you talk about being.

But I'm that one person who hurts more when I read about what it might be like to not be in this place. You have no idea what this life here is like and for that I have to let go of the idea that believing in myself is going to change my situation.

I wish you all the best and I believe you are changing lives in a positive way. Please unsubscribe me for the reason that I can no longer expect or hope for my life circumstances to look different.

As I wiped the tears from eyes, my blood ran hot and pulsed beneath my skin until my neck splotched like a patchwork quilt.

This is a long-standing paradox within me: to be deeply sad for this kind of suffering and then incensed that the evil of hopelessness overtakes people.

If you’re inclined to get upset with me and say, "You don't know what it’s like," please stay with me for a moment…

I have lived my own dark days.

And for years, I've traveled and worked alongside people around the world. I have heard and witnessed countless stories of oppression. People long ago hurt, and perpetually hurting, beyond what seems tolerable or just.

I am no stranger to cruelty, loss, exploitation, trauma, abuse, mood disorders, chronic mental illness and more. I have seen their wear and tear on individual lives, families and communities.

And I have observed two distinct responses, no matter the nature or details of the difficulties-

1. Those who continually stand up among smoldering ashes to find lives of empowerment, meaning and contribution.
2. Those who stay buried in the soot of the past, present, and future.

For me, one question persists,

“How do some people rise above their circumstances and some do not… or have not yet?”

I find part of the answer in my reader’s email, “I am so proud of your embracing life as it is given to you.”

The underlying proposition seems to be that neither of us has any say-so over what happens. It’s a common belief that perpetuates a cycle of despair. It's often propagated by people in power too- in order to keep others stuck for personal gain.

This is where I must take a stand and argue.

The life I live is not given to me without my participation. Every day, I put on my armor and go to war for the life I want.

Fighting my demons. Taking big, scary risks. Pushing through the hardest parts. Scratching and clawing for each win. Refusing to let circumstances and emotions rule my life. Trying. Failing. Falling. Getting up. Limping. Crashing headlong into the same stubborn wall until a new route is revealed.

And most importantly… please, don’t miss this… praying my ass off and expecting the best even when I can't see it yet.

I don’t take life as it is given to me- I contend for it.

And so do people that rise from smoldering ashes.

And so can you.

But we must take ownership.

Ownership is an understanding that no matter what has happened- in the wake of inexcusable acts and irreversible circumstances- choice lives within us. On the flip side, ownership is not succumbing to the lie, "Everything is my fault and there is no recourse."

No matter how much control these issues appear to have, they cannot crawl inside our skin and own us. If it seems they have, it’s because we’ve given them permission. Maybe out of necessity, fear, or false belief. But it’s permission we keep giving when we let circumstances and other people decide who we will be and how we will live our lives.

Seriously, it just doesn’t lead to a life of meaning and significance. Responsibility does.

And while we must first take responsibility for our house, we will not find freedom in naming “self” lord of the manor.

Once we’ve taken that ownership, we face a mysterious paradox.

The reader who wrote me also said,

“I have to let go of the idea that believing in myself is going to change my situation.”

Absolutely.

Believing in “self” is a beautiful and necessary step but it’s not the first.

Ironically, right after we take responsibility for our lives, we need to surrender property rights to the Lawful Owner.

It isn’t another person.
It isn’t our circumstances.
It isn’t even us.

It’s a Higher Power.

And for me, that Higher Power is Jesus.

NOT the scary, hateful, totally fake, “Jesus” self-righteous religious people have made a mockery of.

Rather- The One who IS Love. The One who created us; lived like us; died like us; beat death for us; and sits at the God’s right hand representing, redeeming, and restoring us. (Never, ever judging, condemning, or shitting on us like some threaten. )

If we want big, amazing lives beyond what we are humanly capable of creating- we must decide Who is boss.

Like we’ve given permission to circumstances, self-pity, and people in our past, we must give Jesus permission in our present. Because Jesus will not elbow His way in to our heads, hearts, and choices.

But fear will.

And fear, my friend, is the darkest kind of prison. Because even when the cell door is flung open wide, we are blind to the road that leads to freedom.

The road to freedom is TRUST.

Trust Jesus; He has the map that leads to miraculous, healed, free, and purposeful places.

Jesus said he came so we could have life to the fullest.

So should we feel unworthy or ashamed for going after the prize we’re promised?
Hell no.

We must fight for it.

And I believe in you- You can do this. YOU can fight for the life YOU are created to live.